


JOHN: DO THE DO

by KaiserKris



Series: Homestuck Sexy One-Shots, Vol. I [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 15:27:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15027584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaiserKris/pseuds/KaiserKris
Summary: Your name is JOHN EGBERT and you have a totally amazing and awesome girlfriend, ROXY LALONDE, who has invited you to stay the night and made it clear that SEXUAL ACTIVITIES may occur. You're kind of INEXPERIENCED so you're a little nervous about the prospect but also hugely excited. More than anything, you hope that you can make it good for her.How will you do?





	JOHN: DO THE DO

“How’re you doing?” You ask Roxy, a little concerned. After all, you’ve all had a bit of a shakeup not too long ago. None of you were expecting Gamzee to show back up and while Jade took care of the immediate threat fairly instantly, you know that he’ll come back to haunt you. Which is what you suppose clowns actually do. They haunt people, in their nightmares and sometimes, if things are really shitty, in reality. To be honest, you kinda wished that you would have thrown down.

 

You’re about ninety-nine percent sure that you alone could kick Gamzee’s ass about eight million ways. And you had a lot of backup right there. You get why Jade made the choice she did, but you’re kind of wondering if it wasn’t the right one. Then again, Gamzee was right when he said that there was no guarantee that Karkat and the Mayor would’ve made it out unhurt. _We’ve got to get to him as soon as we can, before someone else gets hurt._

 

“Hey, I’m great. Totally great. The psychopathic clown’s gone at least.” Roxy manages a thin little smile. “So … Johnny, I guess we’re gonna have to do something about dinner, huh?”

 

“Yeah, I don’t think anyone’s in the mood for a wedding feast tonight.” Which sucked, but it was true. They’d have a party again a little later when things were better. PM and the Mayor had insisted on holding the ceremony, but the whole thing was kind of muted. John hoped their married life was better than their wedding had been. _Killer clowns and weddings don’t mix. Ugh, just like Betty Crocker mixes and anything._

 

“You wanna just … stay here?” Roxy asks, and she hesitates for half a second. “Hold on, lemme rephrase that.” Her hand rests softly on yours. “Please? Stay here tonight. I .. I really don’t want to be alone right now. Probably wouldn’t be a good idea.”

 

You’re pretty sure you get it. You aren’t gonna ask for clarification. She probably got pretty scared for a moment and it’s just when things get shaken up that she’s more tempted to drink. You’ve never actually indulged, but you imagine that if you did drink, you’d be pouring yourself something right about now. You wouldn’t be surprised if Dave and Jade were smoking up right about now, which you think is totally gross but they seem to have it well in hand.

 

“Of course.” You smile and lean in to kiss her. The kiss is sweet and lingering. When you part, you can see a little relief on her face. You give her hand a soft squeeze, or at least really soft for you, which you hope translates to pleasantly firm. You’ve got to be really careful with your strength, which has escalated to truly ridiculous levels since you’ve combined your godtier powers and coming into the naturally impressive Egbert strength. “Besides! Your couch is super comfy.” You’ve crashed there a few times. Get a blanket and an extra pillow and you’re ready to rock. Or sleep, as it were. And heck, you can even probably get a tuck-in and a really awesome good-night kiss.

 

Roxy laughs, a low, slightly sultry laugh. “Couch?”

 

“Yeah, the couch! It’s cool. I mean, it’s pretty big and comfy and-”

 

“Johnny.” Roxy looks at you again, a little smile quirking on her lips. “Let’s put it this way.” Her hand inches a little further up your arm and you get a little bit of a shiver. “If you really, really want to, the couch is yours. But-” Her eyebrow waggles a little. “You’re eligible for an upgrade. There’s also a much, much more comfortable bed.”

 

 _Whoa._ You don’t want to presume, but you’re pretty sure that’s an invitation for more than just sleeping. You kind of want to immediately check on that, to confirm with someone who is a certified romance expert that your vague intuition that sex is potentially a thing that could happen tonight is not off-base. Which is to say that you’d kind of like to pester Karkat right now. But that would be really rude to do. A lady has given you a very, very special invitation and she deserves your full and complete attention.

 

The thing is that you have basically no words for the combination of emotions that that thought sends through you. Excitement. Arousal. Nervousness. Anxiety. You’ve kind of known for awhile that this moment would come, but you kind of also hoped that it would come during a time where you could really stage-manage and engineer the most romantic experience possible. But you also know that the essence of romance is being kind and giving and you can do that without fancy props.

 

You really do wish, though, that you had a flirty comeback to Roxy’s invitation, but you don’t, so you’re just going to have to settle for kissing her. She eases herself closer to you and you wrap strong arms around her and pull her close. You only part for a moment before Roxy smirks and places herself right on your lap and kisses you again. Which makes you a little nervous, because the prospect of potential sex is definitely starting to stir Little John.

 

“Do I get to take that as a yes, Johnny?” Roxy grins a little crookedly as her hands reach up to tug you down by your tie for another kiss, this one definitely a little more heated and messy than before. You’re kind of getting the notion that the sex stuff might be happening earlier rather than later. So does Little John, because he’s at at least-half mast right now. And there’s _no way_ that she won’t be able to feel that.

 

“Oooh.” Roxy’s grin broadens as she shifts herself so she’s right up against Little John and _oh damn,_ that just does it for you. “Somebody’s a bit excited.” She laughs and shifts against you again and maybe, maybe the first time you could convince yourself that it was some sort of accident but it’s pretty obvious that she’s doing that intentionally now.

 

“Well, I am here with you …” You hope that’s not the stupidest thing to say but just in case, you start kissing her neck, each kiss going downwards a little. She tastes sweet and clean and you’re pretty sure she’s purring a little as you do that. So you keep it up. You also decide it’s a good idea to be maybe, just a little more in charge. So while you’re doing that, you stand up, hoisting her up with you.

 

“Whoa!” Roxy grins as she wraps her legs eagerly around you. Which does absolutely nothing to make Little John come down. Quite the opposite. In fact, you’re fairly busting to get out of those pants. But first, if this is gonna be it, you’re gonna relocate. Roxy’s made some tall promises about how comfortable her bed is and you’re eager to find out just how true that is. And another time, you’re fairly sure that you’d be mortified that you’ve got two hands full of her butt, but it seems silly to be leery of that when you’re about ninety-eight percent sure that you’re going to be having sex soon. So instead of backing off nervously, you decide to do what you’ve wanted to do for ages and give her butt a bit of a squeeze.

 

“Oh hey there, Johnny.” Roxy grins and shifts herself against you again. “Getting fresh, aren’t we?”

 

“Hi, Roxy!” You laugh and treat her to a big guileless smile, as if you’d just played a little prank. You waggle your eyebrows. “Well, mademoiselle, shall we go off to the bedroom?”

 

Roxy laughs loudly that that and leans in for a kiss. “Fuck yes. Let’s go, Johnny.”

 

You’re distantly aware that a lot of guys might not find carrying a girl all the way from the couch ot the bedroom to be a particularly easy task, but you’re not a lot of guys. You’re basically as strong as anyone alive and even when it comes time to be face to face with a closed door, it’s not hard for you to shift Roxy slightly to support her with one hand while you quickly get the door open with your other hand. And then before you know it, you’re on the bed, on top of her, kissing her, hands eagerly roaming over her, kinda wishing there was nothing between you two now, even if the soft fabric of her dress feels great in and of itself.

 

Something at the back of your mind comes back up, unbidden. Suddenly you frown a little. Yeah, this is something you’re going to have to address. There’s probably a few things that should be addressed, but this is really high up on that list. An anxiety that unlike some of the other anxieties you have, you think is pretty well-founded, actually.

 

“Hey, Roxy?” You hate to break up the fun even for a moment, but this is important.

 

“Yeah, Johnny?” Thank goodness that she seems to get it. She reaches up to stroke your face, which somehow feels more intimate than any of the groping and grinding you’ve been doing so far. It’s a nice reminder that this is about the fact that you love each other and want to be together more than just being horny and wanting to fuck. That might seem silly, but it’s important to you. But not exactly what’s bugging you a little right now.

 

“I’m … I’m gonna be honest. I’m a little-” You pause for a moment. You don’t want this to come off the weird way. “If something is like, too hard, or hurts, please tell me, okay? Because I don’t want to hurt you.” _But I’m kind of worried I will, because I’m strong. Probably stronger than that blueblooded troll weirdo that was always anxious about his strength. One of the strongest people on the planet._

 

“I’m not made of tissue paper, Johnny.” Roxy smiles back. “You’ll be fine.” She leans in to kiss you, not in the messy, almost frantic way you were just a moment ago, but sweeter, more lovingly. She giggles slightly. “Sorry, I was just … I wasn’t sure what you were nervous about. You’re …” She looks up at you and _yep she just rests her hand right on your goddamn crotch._ “Gonna probably want to go pretty slow with this. Because holy _shit,_ John.” She grins up at you.

 

 _Ohh._ You legitimately hadn’t thought to be nervous about the size of your dick. You’re kinda glad to know that isn’t a thing, apparently? But it does kinda reinforce your need to be a bit gentle, and take your time. But maybe not all the time, because you’re both still tragically not naked. And that’s got to change. You get up a bit so you can undo your tie and shrug off your shirt.

 

“Oooh, Mister Egbert.” Roxy coos with a teasing grin as she watches you disrobe. “Guess you wanna see me too, huh?”

 

“Yeah, I would!” That probably sounded a bit like an over-excited teenager but you were a teenager only months ago. It’s weird to think that you’re not even old enough to legally drink.

 

That train of thought at all others abruptly go off the rails as you watch Roxy as she sits up a little, peeling one strap of her dress off and then the other. You instinctively lean in to kiss her shoulders and inwards just a little, your lips brushing against the top of her generous cleavage. She gives an immensely pleasing little sigh but then pulls back just a little bit. “Actually, Johnny … a little help?” She turns around to indicate the zipper of her dress. She tosses back a sultry glance at you. “Think you can help with that?”

 

Yeah, you think you can help with that. Even if the thought makes your heart beat even faster and makes your mouth go dry a little. The good thing is that even though your brain is a bit of an overstimulated mess, your fingers are good as ever and even though you’ve got pretty big hands even for your frame, they’re remarkably dexterous. You like to joke about all the video games doing that, but it’s probably actually the piano practice. Which is to say that it’s not long before that zipper is coming down and a whole new expanse of perfect, creamy skin is being revealed to you. You lean in and kiss every inch of it you can, taking your sweet time with that zipper.

 

As much as part of you wants to get right to it, you’ve got all night. And you remember reading or hearing somewhere that it’s good to give girls plenty of time to warm up. Maybe Dave said that at some point. In any case, you’re happy to take your time. _God, Roxy smells good._ You can feel her shiver a bit as you work your way down slowly with the zipper, until you hit the bottom, just above the soft curve of her behind. The dress, now shorn of its final moorings, now falls to the ground and with a little shimmy of her hips, it’s gone.

 

When Roxy turns around to face you again, all she’s wearing is a black lacy bra and panties and you kinda gulp when you realize they’re both kinda sheer. Fuck, Roxy is beautiful. And the sultry little grin she’s giving you tells you that she damn well knows it. You can’t help but grin broadly, even though you should probably say something amazing. Some sort of epic compliment that she’ll remember years and years later when you’re- _whoah, okay, Egbert, slow the train down_. Tonight’s a big enough deal without thinking so much about the rest of your lives.

 

“How come I’m almost naked and you’re still wearing pants, Egbert?” Roxy closes the distance and puts her hand on Little John again and even though you’re still wearing pants, it still makes you _throb._ Her hand traces upwards to your belt and she deftly undoes it, whipping out the offending belt and throwing it aside before turning to the button at the top. Her grin widens a bit and she licks her lips, because of course she does. And that just makes you think about all kinds of things you probably shouldn’t because you shouldn’t assume things about what she’s down on- er, down for.

 

Roxy sure seems eager to see your dick, though, because she has your pants down in record time and like, a second later, your shorts are down and Little John feels a _lot_ better. Roxy’s eyes widen a little bit as she looks at it and then, she reaches out a hand to grasp you. At first you’re surprised that she’s a bit tentative about it, but then you remember that she’s just as much a virgin as you are. Neither of you have done anything like this before.

 

“Don’t worry.” You reassure Roxy. “I won’t break.” But then your words dissolve into a bit of a groan as she gets a slightly firmer grip on you and strokes slowly, up and down on your cock. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you haven’t done this before to yourself, but there’s really no comparison between the two. It feels good and you’d really, really like her to just continue, but … _oh my god._ Yeah, Roxy’s definitely getting down and putting her lips way, way closer to it.

 

“You, uh, don’t have to, if you don’t want to.” You manage to say, because you’d feel like a douchebag if you didn’t. Because wasn’t that something that awful guys did all the time with girls? Kinda manipulated them to get blowjobs? You just don’t want her to feel like it’s an obligation. Her hand feels _plenty good._ You’d be more than okay with a little bit more of that.

 

“Johnny.” Roxy nearly slurs, looking up at you with bedroom eyes. “Johnny, I’ve wanted to try sucking your cock for _ages.”_ She puts her hands back on you, peeling back the skin so your head is fully exposed. Roxy moves herself forward and places your dick back on your stomach, so the underside’s exposed and that’s where she starts, with sloppy little kisses.

 

“Roxy.” You manage to breathe out as she reaches the head and slowly, slowly licks it and even though it’s the farthest thing in the world in your mind from a popsicle, she seems to be more eager about this than any popsicle she’s ever had. “Oh wow.” You’re not going to be winning any awards for your brilliant words, but it doesn’t matter because _fuck,_ she is taking you inside your mouth and it’s so warm and wet. You fight the urge to thrust forward.

 

She pulls off for a moment and looks up at you. “Wow. You’re seriously thick, Johnny.” She opens her lips again and takes you back in, you’re guessing about as deep as she’s going to go, a little less than halfway. She starts moving slowly up and down your cock and to say this is the best feeling you’ve ever had in your life is an understatement of grandiose proportions.

 

It only takes a few minutes for you to start feeling like you could come soon, and you really, really don’t want to do that. Not yet. You’re pretty conscious that she hasn’t gotten a lot of attention yet and while you’re pretty sure she’s enjoying getting you off, you’ve got a job to do as a man and a lover. And that’s to make sure she has as much pleasure as possible.

 

“Roxy.” You manage to finally say and she pulls off, but not far away at all, looking up at you.

“.. am I doing okay?” Your first impulse is to think that she’s joking about that because, how the hell _could_ having a blowjob be anything less than amazing, but you realize that she’s sincerely unsure. Once again, you remember that she hasn’t done any of this before.

 

“Amazing. But uh …” You grin at her, hoping you don’t explicitly have to say that you’d prefer to hold on for a bit longer. “I want to see the rest of you.” Which was true. Very, very true. And also, because you want to touch the rest of her. And maybe return the favor, so to speak.

 

You remember your manners. A gentleman should always be mannerly in the presence of a lady.

 

“Please?”

 

“Well, Johnny, how could I say no?” Roxy replies a little throatily as she reaches up to unclasp her bra. You probably had a notion at one point to let her finish undressing but before she could have the opportunity to do so, your hands reach up to cup her breasts. They’re warm and soft and amazing, a perfect handful and fairly hefty in your grasp. Roxy puts her hands on your hands and squeezes, looking you in the eye as she does so.

 

“Not … too hard. But I won’t break.” Roxy grins and you get the idea, squeezing but not too hard, kneading them. You brush a calloused thumb against one of her nipples, already totally stiff and she shudders and you wonder how good it’d feel if you licked them. So you try it, leaning into her generous bosom, and lapping at the stiff point in the middle before sucking on it. And she _loves_ that, because she gasps and basically presses you into her breasts.

 

You’re pretty sure that if you suffocated and died right now, it’d be totally worth it.

 

“... okay.” Roxy laughs. “Not that I really want to-” As she pulls away just a little. “But I think you asked to see the rest of me. And I’m not quite naked yet, am I?” She hooks her hands in the waistband of her panties and locking eyes with you, slowly, slowly pulls them down, revealing her, briefly before your view is blocked for a moment by her need to put her legs- her beautiful fucking legs up, to finally shimmy them off.

 

Roxy is totally naked now and it’s absolutely mindblowing how beautiful she is, every bit of her.

 

“Roxy, fuck.” You’re basically stuck for words. “You’re the most beautiful woman in ever.”

 

“You’re pretty handsome yourself, Johnny.” Roxy’s bright grin turns into something considerably lewder as she takes one of your hands and puts it right _there-_ and wow you wish you had some better words, because ‘vulva’ seems so weird and clinical and ‘pussy’ seems kind of mean and the word ‘cunt’ makes you want to reach for your hammer. Your worries about proper vocabulary pretty much disappear because _oh god,_ she’s actually inviting you to touch her there and it’s warm and wet. You’re not 100% sure about how to go about this, so you just kind of rub her.

  
You also kiss her because it’s been way too long since you’ve done that and you love kissing her and don’t fucking care that her mouth was on your dick a few minutes ago. She moans into the kiss when you rub her a certain way and her hips shift into your touch and that’s when you figure you’ve got a pretty good thing going. So you keep doing that, but just a little more so.

 

You’ve got another idea, though, that you want to try.

 

“Hey Roxy … uhh, lie down?” Again, you’re not winning any awards for your eloquence, but you never would anyway. But it works, she is lying down now, her legs parting and you’re guessing that she kinda expects that you’re going to put it in her and you’d really, really like to do that and fully intend to soon, but you’ve got something else in mind for right now.

 

First, you move up her body and kiss her, the kiss long and messy, leaving you both a little gaspy and then you trail down slowly, along her jaw, down her neck and taking a brief detour to each of her breasts before grinning up at her as you reach her stomach. You take your time and let her squirm a bit.

 

“Johnnnyyy.”

 

You’ve got this, you think. You don’t _really_ know what you’re doing, but you’re hoping that a combination of her obvious arousal and your desire to please her will get something cooking. You continue kissing down her stomach slowly, down to her hips, just about down to- _mound,_ you remember reading that in some weird old novel with some sexy parts that you kept around because it had sexy parts. That sounded a bit better than the other words.

 

Anyway, you don’t go right there because you’re trying to draw this out a little. So you go down to her thighs and kiss them too, and then back up to just over her mound. You look up and she’s watching you, breathing heavily.

 

“John. Please. For the love of fuck, _please._ ”

 

When a lady requests something of a gentleman, it is a gentleman’s duty to provide, and you’re pretty damn eager to do so. If you had any anxieties about the taste of it, they disappear pretty much immediately as you first kiss around the lips and then drag your tongue along slowly. You part those lips slowly, figuring that she’d like it better if you got right to it.

 

Your thought is to go right for her entrance, but she reacts way, way more strongly when you turn your attention slightly upwards. It’s hard to remember your old family life classes and the anatomy you learned during them with Roxy moaning and shifting against you and a really, really _sexy_ scent in the air and taste on your tongue, but yeah, you remember dimly there’s … something. Something little that you’re supposed to find. And you think you’ve just found it. You give it a little lick. 

 

Roxy bucks hard. “JOHN.” It sounds like maybe that was a little … too much. “Holy shit. Um. That’s a lot. Maybe … around more?”

 

You oblige and you’re rewarded by her words dissolving into moans, with a few curses and invocations of your name thrown in for good measure. You settle in and keep going and before long, the moans are louder and her legs are clamped tightly around your head, basically trapping you in a really awesome way.

 

“John … oh fuck ..” She moans loudly before the clamp on your head gets way tighter and her hands grip your head and hold you _right the fuck there_ and suddenly it’s quite a bit wetter down there and she’s bucking hard with her hips against your lips and tongue. Then, she seems to relax almost totally, becoming basically girl jello and you look up at her. You realize that like an idiot, you forgot to take off your glasses and they’re fogged up. Also, your face is practically dripping.

 

But holy fuck, you’re pretty sure you just made her have an orgasm.

 

“Holy shit, Johnny.” Roxy pants out. “You’re a natural.”

 

“That was fun! But geez, you had me in there pretty tight! Good thing I’m godtier tough!” You both laugh and its Roxy’s turn to totally ignore that you were going down on her literally seconds ago, you guess, because she’s kissing you again and it’s an awesome mess, because there’s all sorts of great Roxy tastes going on in your mouth and also because you’re pretty sure you know what’s coming next.

 

Which reminds you of something really, really important. When the kiss finally breaks, you quickly grab a condom out of your sylladex.

 

“Oooh, you came prepared.” Roxy grins at you. “I did, too.” Because out of the void of nothingness, appearifies a condom in her hand. “I guess you get to pick which one you want to use.”

 

“Well, milady, I would be honoured …” Which sounds stupid as a way of inviting her to put it on you but it seems to work. Roxy doesn’t bother tearing it out of the packet so much as disappearifying the packaging and putting it on you. You both kinda just … aren’t sure what to do for a moment after that, because it’s pretty obvious that there’s no going back. The condom is literally on you and there’s nothing to do but … have sex.

 

You move so you’re on top of Roxy, supporting yourself as she deftly moves a hand between you to guide you to her entrance. Your eyes meet hers.

 

“So, this is it, huh?” God, you hate your stupid mouth and the dumb words it says.

 

“Yeah, this is it.” Roxy laughs a little nervously underneath you. “... just go kinda slowly, okay?” .

 

You nod and push forwards with your hips. You’re glad that she’s sort of positioned you because you’re sure you wouldn’t get into the right space right away if you weren’t. First, you’re pressing up against her hard and then, slowly, slowly, you start going inside.

 

You look at Roxy. _OH FUCK. You’re hurting her, you pathetic worm._

 

But she smiles at you a little tremulously. “It’s okay. You’re doing fine. Slowly. God, you’re fucking huge.” At another time you might feel like that was a high compliment, but you’re wondering if you were a little smaller if this all would go just a little easier right now. You resist the undeniable urge to thrust in harder and keep going slowly, until you’re a few inches in and you stop for a moment, thinking Roxy might need a moment.

 

“I’m okay … you can keep going.” Roxy encourages you, shifting her hips slightly underneath you.

 

So you do and it’s not too long before you’re fully inside her and it’s … you had no idea that anything could feel this amazing, even through the thin skin of the condom. Roxy’s warm and wet and pretty damn tight around you, but after a moment she relaxes just a little and you feel like it’s okay to slowly start moving.

 

“Just like that …” Roxy says again, her hips starting to move with yours again. You lean down to kiss her as you find your rhythm together. You’re thinking that it’s getting better for her again because she lets out a low moan and her nails dig a little bit into the skin of your back.

 

“Little more …” Roxy’s voice is tight and she moans as you oblige, thrusting just a little faster and harder, in a good, steady rhythm. You need to be a little bit careful, you know. You could really, really hurt her if you weren’t mindful at all. But this seems to work. Good and steady and deep. You can’t imagine how anything could possibly be better than this. You kiss her again and she kisses you back eagerly, moaning into your mouth.

 

It doesn’t take too long, though, before you’re pretty sure that you’re going to come. You’re not sure if she’s quite there with you, so you try to be really mindful, doing all those things that guys try to do to last longer- thinking of unsexy things like cleaning house and doing taxes and not the incredible hot, wet snugness of her, or the fact that you’re finally, finally doing it together.

 

“Roxy-” You manage to gasp out.

 

“S’okay.” Roxy wraps her legs tightly around you and draws you in deeper yet and with a long groan, you feel the world basically exploding in pleasure and you come hard, spurting what feels like absolute gallons. When it finishes, you reluctantly pull out of her and collapse beside her on the bed. She immediately rolls over and cuddles up with you, her head resting on your chest. You’re both a sweaty mess and you’re fairly certain that she didn’t come with you.

 

But the first words from her lips aren’t reproach but ‘I love you’. And there’s not much else to do but hold her close and tell her that you love her too. Because you do. You love her so much. And you’ve got potentially forever to get better at this.

 

Eternity has never ever seemed so fucking awesome.


End file.
